Gilgamesh Watches Television
by Mercy0880
Summary: The King is not amused by the entertainment devices that you mongrels enjoy so much.


**Gilgamesh Watches Television**

Jack was a rather successful salesman that worked on a rather popular television shopping program that sold overpriced jewelry over the phone. He was a Englishman in his early thirties with a rather attractive face and the English accent he spoke Japanese with came off as rather charming, making him more appealing to his Japanese viewers. He knew that the products that the station paid him to advertise were not worth half of what they were they were asking for but it was all in a day's work. At the current moment he was selling a rather gaudy ring for double its estimated value.

"Alright here we have a lovely ruby encrusted ring at an estimated value of 100,000 yen, but here I'm willing to part with it for merely 80,000 yen. That's a once in lifetime deal and I'm not going any lower, so call now before we run out."

In truth he did feel a bit bad about helping his employers scam people out of their money but he had to put bread on the table too. He felt a little worse since he handled some of the sales while the show was airing to help boost ratings. Speaking of which…

"Why yes, you have reached the Fuyuki Shopping Network this is Jack speaking, I understand that you're interested in buying one of our fabulous rings so tell me what might your name be?"

"_I have no reason to give my name to the likes of you, mongrel. Nor do I have any desire to possess anything that you have displayed on screen."_

OK, that was new. Sure there have been many people who phone the network just to give the company lip, but that was what they had screeners for. Occasionally one got through; it was just unfortunate that the one guy that got through the screeners was personally answered by him while he was doing the show.

Well damage control for now.

"I'm sorry sir, but unless you want to buy a ring I'm going to have to ask you to hang up."

"_You dare try to give commands to the king. Your insolence truly knows no bounds, mongrel."_

OK, the employees that had worked the phones had to deal with problem callers before, but they mostly got yelled at by people that were either angry that the item they bought wasn't worth the price they sold it for or angry family members of scammed people that called to tell him to put a gun to his head and pull the trigger.

"I'm sorry sir; I'm trying to sell these rings while recording a live show so I'm going to have to hang up on you now."

"_You dare try to leave a conversation before the king is done speaking? Truly you are a fool among fools."_

OK this was just getting out of hand; this guy was just a nut job so it was just best to hang up and apologize to the viewers for the interruption. Then find the screener that put him through and see that they lose their job for this after the show was done airing.

"Look I'm sorry sir, but I'm airing a show right now so I'm going to have to hang up now. Goodbye sir."

"...T_his offense to the king will be punished in full, mongrel. I was merely going to offer a warning to you and the worms that employ you about what would happen to them if they dared claim that those worthless things they called jewelry had any worth; but now I will personally deliver punishment to you mongrel."_

"Goodbye sir!"

With that he finally hung up on the freak that interrupted his show.

"Sorry about that folks, sometimes people give us a prank call and unfortunately one got through. Whoops, its seems that the rings have sold out so moving on to the next item…"

_Later…_

Jack was a little confused at the moment. The screeners told him that somehow the guy that had called during the show had somehow completely bypassed them and his call went straight to him. The guys in the technical department were baffled at how that had happened and were wondering if the man had somehow hacked the phone-lines… or if hacking phone-lines was even possible.

While he was lost in thought on the way to his he stopped short when he noticed a very attractive blond foreign man stood in his way.

"Mongrel you will pay for the offenses that you have committed against the king. Prepare yourself to receive the punishment that the king has decided."

For some reason Jack could no longer see everything previously as the insane ramblings of a madman who had somehow gotten through the phone-line screeners to talk to him on public television. No the sheer presence given by the man told him that he was in deep trouble and that he should consider himself lucky if he came out of this meeting alive. Not sure what prompted the response from him, but Jack quickly got down on one knee and lowered his head to the man.

"I apologize Your Highness, I was not aware to whom I was speaking. If I had known I would have showed you every ounce of respect that I could ever hope to muster."

The man seemed to contemplate what he had just said and gave a small smile.

"Very well. It seems you are capable of paying proper respect to the king, however I must still hand down a punishment for the disrespect that you have shown to me."

Somehow, Jack felt that while he had avoided a bullet that was speeding towards his heart, he was still left with the feeling that although it missed his heart the bullet was still going to hit him.

_Later at the church_

Kirei Kotomine was a little worried. Gilgamesh seemed to have taken offense to the shoddy goods that the shopping network was selling. It seems that the the golden king took offense when people attempted to inflate their value or the value of their treasures. He had been present when Gilgamesh had called the shopping network and had seen him leave as soon as he finished the call. The golden hero returned only two hours after he had left and seemed to be in a better mood than he had left with.

Elegantly, Gilgamesh took out a rather lovely wine glass and some fine wine from the church's storeroom and sat down on the couch directly in front of the television. Kirei was still worried about what had happened to that man that Gilgamesh decided he needed to punish, not that he cared if he lived but he was more concerned if he needed to clean up any mess that Gilgamesh might have made when punishing the man. It would be bad if someone found out that an incarnated Heroic Spirit was walking around without any restraints after all.

"Did you deal punishment on that man that provoked your ire, Gilgamesh?"

The King of Heroes responded with a chuckle of amusement.

"Of course. Although I was feeling particularly generous today and did not inflict any lasting harm on the mongrel. He did show some respect to the king after all."

Well this was a surprise. Usually most people didn't have the sense to figure a way to avoid the death sentence that Gilgamesh was prone to give to those that showed any disrespect to the golden king. It however seems that the man was quick enough on his feet to not only realize the danger that he was in but to come up with a method that avoided bringing the full wrath of the king down on him.

"Then in what way did you punish the man?"

Gilgamesh's only response was to chuckle once more before smoothly picking up the remote and turning on the television.

"_On tonight's news, popular shopping network television host Jack Smith was found gagged and pinned to the side of a building seven stories high." _

At this point a shot of a rather attractive, albeit terrified, foreign man was shown. He was gagged and somehow pinned several stories high to a building in the middle of town.

"_Police are baffled how the perpetrator could have possibly have carried Mr. Smith that high without anyone in or outside the building noticing. Mr. Smith was sporting light injuries and when asked how he got up there he merely responded that he "Offended the King." More on this when more details come in. In other news a $#% tank was found crashed into the side of a local dojo. It seems that no one was injured but the tank had taken heavy damage to its front and has become unable to move or fire its weapons. Police aren't sure how a fully armed tank was able to be transported into the country unnoticed nor how simply crashing into a dojo would cause so much damage to its front. When asked lead investor laughingly stated, "This damage is amazing, I have no idea what could have done it but it's almost like someone took a shinai and hit it with all of their might." When $#% was asked about the tank, they outright denied it but an investigation by the U.N. has been launched-"_

Turning the television off, Gilgamesh leaned back and smiled in satisfaction.

"The punishment was rather suiting for this one, he dared to show me disrespect in front of television viewers and now he will be used to show what will happen to those who show disrespect to the king to those same viewers."

Gilgamesh started to laugh rather heartily and Kotomine started to wonder if this show Gilgamesh had set up would draw any attention from the magic community. Quietly he shook his head. The only people with any connection to the magus association in the area were him and the young magus that was in his care, Rin. Since as far as he was aware that the last television that Rin had purchased had somehow spontaneously combusted while she was channel surfing, so there shouldn't be any need for him to do any heavy clean up with this one…

**Author's Notes: This was loosely inspired by a South Park episode for those that noticed. Like I said in my last author's notes I'm an inconsistent writer and I'm going back to college next week so don't expect much from me. I do have an idea for a series but I'll probably continue to do one-shots until I flesh it out a bit more and feel I got a better feel for my writing style. Again reviews on what I could have done better, grammar mistakes and any other problems you felt with this fic are welcome. I love constructive criticism.  
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